Anniversary...

I posted this today in my previous blog, Trekin' with the Cartwrights.

Carl suggested that I also post it here... so... here it is...

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Today would have been Dwayne's and my 31st wedding anniversary.
We had been married almost half of my life at the time of his death (I was 29 years, 10 months when we married, and we were married 29 years, 9 months).
I was "older" when we got married; I remember telling co-workers a little while before we started dating that I didn't think I was going to get married, that it wasn't God's plan for me.

But, it was...

And I never anticipated what a blessing it would be to be married to Dwayne.

And then, I never expected to marry again after being widowed. I thought God had a plan for me as an "undistracted widow" - available to do things for Him that I couldn't easily do as a married woman.

I am so grateful that God brought Carl into my life. I am so blessed with him.


Which makes days like today difficult.

Shouldn't I be so grateful for my relationship with Carl that I wouldn't sorrow over the loss of my relationship with Dwayne? Doesn't it seem inappropriate?

And yet, even though I would not be sharing my life with Carl, a life that I am so incredibly thankful for, had Dwayne not passed away, even so, days of remembering bring tears for the loss of Dwayne.

But, I am also grateful that Carl goes through similar sorrow - sorrow at losing Sue - even in the midst of the joy of our relationship. It doesn't make sense to either of us, but there it is...